I love and hate going to Costco. I love the thought of stocking up on all our favorites in mass quantity. Endless packs of mac-n-cheese, the variety assortment of pasta in cute shapes, gigantic boxes of cereal, mix and match bagels with a vat of cream cheese, a year supply of Cup O’Noodle, and my newest fave – big bags of Naan bread!
It doesn’t seem to matter what season of the year or mood I’m in; I come home with loads of every imaginable carb product…every time. My justification? Carbo-loading for all training runs and races! Why carbs? In a nutshell, the right carbs translate to much needed stored energy in a 26.2 mile race. But I’m fairly certain even the world’s top elite marathoners don’t fill their shopping carts the way I do.
It’s become an obsession. I’ve taken carbo-load to a new level.
Once I’m home from Costco, it’s time to put my amazing Tetris skills to good use as I try to cram all my precious (said in Gollum voice) carbs in cabinets and closets. This is when my love turns to hate. How do they expect me to fit all these huge boxes and bags in two little kitchen cabinets and a freezer still full from the last Costco excursion? I can’t wait to start eating all the food I bought just so I have more space.
But really, what’s not to love about a gigantic box of cereal you crave? It’s not so lovely when you’ve had it for breakfast and possibly lunch five days in a row not to mention it’s already getting stale since no one else in our family uses those genius bag clips I bought to “seal in the freshness.” It doesn’t take long for this cereal that I craved and HAD to buy in mass quantity to become an object of disdain.
Soon this big, beautiful box gets relegated to the back of the cupboard…joining the ranks of other demoted carbs like the five gallon tub of pretzel bites purchased two years ago.
It’s really just carbs that are the issue because they seem to sit innocently on the shelf without changing appearance (hmmm, can you say preservatives?) unlike fruit, vegetables, meat, or dairy in the fridge after a few days. I have been known to concoct creative cuisine from food that is about to expire since I hate to see anything go to waste. How else does one come up with salmon spaghetti or tofu loaf?
So, why is it that after all these years, I haven’t learned my lesson despite a cupboard full of stale carbs staring me in the face every day?
Some lessons take years for me to learn; but so far, none have taken forty years.
When I think about how my enthusiasm for something can so quickly result in boredom, complaints, whining, and disdain, I can’t help but remember the Israelites in the Old Testament as they wandered for forty years on a trip that should have taken only eleven days. It didn’t take long after Moses led them out of Egyptian tyranny – quite miraculously – to forget who delivered them and why.
As the reality of desert living with a million of your closest friends began to hit them, the people began to complain and criticize God’s provision.
Never mind that God provided daily deliveries of quail and manna right to their doorsteps (tent openings) better than any pizza delivery chain. I love the simple narration in Exodus 16 of the Israelites’ initial reaction to seeing this manna:
‘They said to each other, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was.’
I think this is why Costco gives out food samples. I also love that God’s Costco-sized delivery of manna came with specific instructions:
‘Moses said to them, “It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat. This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Everyone is to gather as much as they need. Take an omer (anywhere from a cup to a gallon) for each person you have in your tent.’” Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”’
Now you know when you tell kids, especially the human kind, NOT do something that you’ve inadvertently stirred up an inner challenge to do that very thing. Of course, some of the Israelites didn’t see the harm in saving some of the daily manna – or, perhaps, didn’t fully trust that God would provide the next day…or the next. That left over manna, once glistening in the morning sun and sweet as honey, overnight became a stinky mess of worms.
Now I don’t feel as bad for the little bit of mold on my week-old bagels.
It never fails that when I read about the Israelites’ disobedience, rebellion, and wanderings I say to myself, “What were they thinking?” As if somehow, if I was in their sandals, this would’ve never happened. As if I’ve never questioned God’s provision. As if I’ve never doubted His timing. As if I’ve never complained about my circumstances. As if I’ve never felt like I deserved better. As if I’ve never disobeyed.
As if I’ve never forgotten God’s deliverance.
When Natalie and Meagan were in elementary school, the church music department put on a production called “Trading Places” – a light-hearted musical contrasting life in a Hebrew home and an Egyptian palace as modern day kids walked through the life and times of Moses. Natalie had the role of roving reporter Page Turner. Meagan sang in the choir delivering profound messages with humorous lyrics like the “Manna Mix” commercial jingle: “Manna Mix is momma’s pick…Don’t keep it after hours, your manna will go sour. Manna Muffins, Manna Splits, it’s what we crave and eat all daaaaaaay… Almighty Manna Mix! Hasta Manana!” My favorite part of the musical was the cast kids whining about manna every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner: “Manna, manna, manna!” I still laugh picturing this scene.
But it turns out God takes whining pretty seriously.
As I reflect on the times I’ve elevated whining to a new art form, some of these were times of abundance and prosperity. When things were going well, I spent free time and money on the extraneous. I found myself getting bored with the same old, same old. I hyper-focused on the unnecessary. Having been married to a self-employed small business owner for over twenty-six years, we have certainly experienced financial highs and lows. Like the Israelites, we learned many lessons the hard way. Like the Israelites, my singing to the Lord often turned to complaining. Like the Israelites, my faith in God’s plan could go sour faster than manna left over night.
And like the Israelites, I found out that miraculous experiences do not guarantee my one hundred percent commitment to God.
Periodically, I have to remind myself why I started running.
I didn’t start out with the intent of running a marathon.
After turning forty and going back to work after being a full-time mom for ten years, I was craving manna of a different variety. I joined a women’s Bible study with co-workers that focused on living a healthy, balanced life that puts God first. The foundational Scripture for this study was based on Jesus’ answer when asked what is the most important commandment.
He said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:28-30)
Incorporating all four of these into my seemingly one-dimensional relationship with God was the challenge. I pictured a table with four legs; if any of the four legs are shorter than the others, the table will not be stable and not serve its optimal purpose.
What leg(s) of my table were short? Up to that point in my relationship with the Lord, I had varying levels of passion and intermittent commitment. I was short on actual Bible application to back it up as well as physical stamina to go the distance. There really wasn’t a specific reason that I chose running over other forms of exercise. At the time, it was convenient and inexpensive. One day I dusted off an old pair of running shoes and ran for half a mile before becoming completely winded and disappointed in myself.
The next day I cried every time I saw stairs at school.
My legs hurt so much from the one little mile I had pathetically run the day before. For some reason, this made me really mad at myself. I hated the feeling of being out of breath, sore, and not reaching a goal. I saw a connection between simply telling my then kindergarten students to “love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength” and actually living it. Something had to change. I was determined to keep running to get stronger…and to make sure all four legs of the table were balanced.
After a year of heart, soul, mind, and strength training, I ran my first marathon.
As I have been guilty of sitting back and criticizing the Israelites for their lack of trust, disobedience, inconsistent faith, and waning self-control, I see how closely my own life has mirrored theirs. I also see why God said to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. The manna with its peculiar characteristics, method of delivery, and instructions for consumption was God’s recipe for nourishing hearts, souls, minds, and strength. Throughout Scripture, God continued to use the bread metaphor to instruct His people on passionate, healthy, balanced living.
As a runner, my favorite bread metaphor is Jesus, the Bread of Life.
So, have I learned anything from the Israelites? Well, for one, I need to consume and be nourished by God’s Word – manna from Heaven – on a daily basis. At times I have settled for stale bread. Why? I’m not altogether sure, but perhaps it was my comfort zone…not wanting to try new things…conveniently using verses to fit my circumstances…or practically speaking, these were the verses I had memorized…my “go to” bread to fill my spiritual shopping cart.
Just as important as enjoying fresh bread, I need to be more intentional about heeding God’s GPS to avoid unnecessary wandering. When I take a wrong turn, I need to quickly go back to the last place where I was confident I was right on course with Jesus.
It’s fascinating to me that God’s faithful, extraordinary provision was followed by forty years of rebellion and wandering which, in turn, led to God giving His first and greatest commandment: to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Miraculously, it is from this commandment that I began running. And along with running, feasting daily on the ultimate carbo-load… Jesus, the Bread of Life.