“Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy
Has come to make you new?”

As this first verse rang through my ear buds during a run last week, I suddenly realized the song was about me. Saved and made new. Sometimes I take for granted just how miraculous that is until Christmas and Easter poignantly remind me. As I ran, I thought about if this song were actually written with me in mind. “Mary, did you know that your baby boy would help Irene run a marathon? Mary, did you know that your baby boy would heal her plantar fasciitis? Mary, did you know that your baby boy would move her to Indiana? Mary, did you know that your baby boy would be the reason she started blogging?” All miracles.

Then as the next verse played, it brought to mind the times Jesus opened my eyes to see dire circumstances and hopeless situations with new perspective. The storms in my life that He calmed.

“Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would calm the storm with his hand?”

If you’ve been following my blogposts (thank you!), you know that I’ve spent a lot of my runs listening to worship music and talking to Jesus which has often led to ugly crying. A good reason to wear sunglasses even on a cloudy day. On this day, my newest Christmas playlist was blasting old faves and new renditions of classics like “Mary, Did You Know” by Danny Gokey. So there I was on mile 2 of a 12 miler, overcome with all the emotions that accompany experiencing firsthand a miraculous work of God like calming a storm. Or like the time the pediatric cardiologist told us the hole in Natalie’s three week old heart would close on its own, that surgery was not needed, and that she would not be limited in any activities. Just as miraculous was Meagan sleeping through the night at three months when it took Natalie three years. Or the time we were three days away from foreclosure on our house then received the amazing news that our settlement had been approved at an affordable new monthly payment. Thank goodness that jeweler I secretly went to would not buy my wedding ring even after me pleading with him that I needed the money to pay our mortgage. All miracles.

Two nights ago, the skies declared the glory of God’s handiwork with the appearance of the great conjunction between Jupiter and Saturn aka Christmas Star which hasn’t happened for about 800 years and won’t happen again until 2080. A friend said that’s when she’ll see it from the other side. Unless I live to be 114, that’ll be how I get to see it again, too.

“Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Is Lord of all creation?”

With one week left, folks are more than ready to say goodbye to 2020 with anticipation and hope for the new year. I can’t help but reflect on how this year started. The hopes and dreams I had for 2020… A stronger body. A new marathon PR. Putting my run coach certification to good use. Getting my mom more engaged in memory care weekly activities. Teaching classes at her senior community. Training middle school leadership again at my church VBS. Going to Meagan’s UC Berkeley commencement at Memorial Stadium with those giant photo heads made so she could see us from the field. Purging/donating an entire storage unit plus garage full of furniture and 30 years of miscellaneous items. And of course, all the races. My 12th SF Marathon. All the traditional mother-daughter half marathons with Nat. Another trip up and down Mt. Diablo, Double DipSea, Rocky Ridge. Old faves like Dirty Dozen, Wildcat, and New Year’s Eve at Lake Chabot. Oh yeah, Chicago Marathon and CIM.

None of that happened.

Like Jupiter and Saturn aligning, it would seem that everything aligned in 2020 for this middle-aged momma to sink deep into depression. Finding purpose in each day, feeling useful, hearing the call, reaching out to friends, lacing up the running shoes, opening up the laptop to blog… motivation hit an all time low.

We hadn’t planned on moving to Indiana in 2020. Maybe next year. Or the next. We knew eventually we would as God had opened up so many business opportunities here. Very grateful as it helped put our kids through college. Dave was flying back and forth so frequently the last two years that he’d earned me a free companion pass and enough points to never have to pay for a flight ever again. You know what? The jet set life is about as glamorous as owning three restaurants during a pandemic.

We hadn’t planned on a lot of things happening in 2020.

Rewind for a moment to 2019… We hadn’t planned on the massive remodeling delays on my parents’ house which we needed to sell in order to offset mom’s health care costs. Guess what? The extremely frustrating and costly delays pushed the home sale to February 2020 which ended up yielding multiple offers and a phenomenal selling price we never thought we’d get a year ago. The timing for us marketing and closing on the home was also up there with alignment of planets. We closed escrow the week before the first shelter in place mandate hit early March.

That’s a good closing story. A not-so-good closing was one of our restaurants in March. As this location serviced weekday lunches at several major corporate campuses, a huge chunk of revenue was suddenly cutoff when they all switched to remote work from home status. But along with the not-so-good, one of our other restaurants has managed to not only survive but THRIVE and has surpassed sales of previous years. I guess owning a superfood cafe in a health conscious community during a pandemic has its benefits. Shameless plug – try our Immunity Bowl!

You know what else I hadn’t planned on EVER much less in 2020? Getting another dog. If you’ve ever had to say goodbye to a furry family member, you know the pain. We found out in March that our 13 year old beagle Oski had cancerous tumors and about 4-6 weeks to live. Oski was 8 year old Meagan’s answer to prayer in third grade and BFF for the next 13 years. She had wanted to take graduation photos on campus in May with Oski as he was named after Cal’s famed bear mascot. He started showing Meagan signs the last week of March that it was time to say goodbye. I think it was harder for me to watch her go through the agony of letting Oski go than actually watching him slip away peacefully on April 1st. Funny cuz that was also his gotcha day.

I almost cancelled my non-refundable puppy reservation as I contemplated the agony of having to say goodbye to another doggo when the time would eventually rear its ugly head again. Fifty three trips around the sun and two devastating deaths during this last trip. I’m just not the same after my dad’s passing in October 2019. However, it has occurred to me many times this year that once again God’s timing is miraculously perfect, gracious, merciful, and compassionate. Up until last October, I had thought dad had at least another year. Or I had hoped several more. Maybe even see one granddaughter get married. But had God granted my wishes, 2020 would have been an even more heart breaking season to let him go. We would not have been at his bedside. Church friends would not have been able to sing his favorite hymns in the beautiful private room we were given. I would not have had my alone time with dad to say what I wanted to say in person and, of course, to say see you on the other side.

As you all know by now, I did get my puppy this summer. That was also miraculous timing since I had put my deposit down right before the height of quarantine hit when puppies, toilet paper, and hand sanitizer became hot commodities. If it’s not abundantly clear through my hundreds of puppy posts, getting Miles was a huge blessing. Moving out of state and quarantine make for horrible company, but having a new companion and reason to get up in the morning definitely eased some of those daily emotional struggles.

I’m not at all a numbers person, but if 2020 were a spreadsheet, I think we would see a net gain. Lots of positive lessons learned and new experiences gained. Dave and I gained a new appreciation for cooking at home which has saved a load of dough. Speaking of dough, I learned how to bake a pretty good loaf of crusty French bread this year. I also gained new running friends as I joined an awesome local group – Carmel Runners Club. I’ve learned to enjoy running with friends again as well as cherish runs alone. I’ve learned after running in sweltering heat and humidity as well as single digit temps to appreciate “ideal running weather” more. After our first snow of the season last week, I learned snow shoveling tips from my neighbor. Other things I learned? I learned I shouldn’t try to cut my dog’s hair. But guess what? I did learn how to cut my own hair! I hadn’t seen my regular stylist back in Pleasanton since Covid, but now I may never need to again. Shhh, don’t tell her I said that. Perhaps the biggest impact on our spreadsheet came during the summer when both of our daughters got engaged! We gained not one but TWO sons-in-law this summer! I already consider Zach and Nathan family, so I’ve been naturally just calling them sons-in-law. A double wedding, though – how about that for a great conjunction! Ha, ha.

2020. One week left. What will stand out the most years from now?

I just now quickly flipped back to my last year’s December 31st blogpost. The first line says “I’m having a hard time letting go of 2019.” Oh my goodness…the stuff I wrote a year ago…the cries of my heart. Would you believe God answered them all in 2020?! I ended last year saying “Lots of unknowns in 2020…It’s all about perspective and knowing the things that are possible through Jesus are the most worthwhile.”

So much and nothing at all has changed this year.

“Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy
Is heaven’s perfect Lamb?
That sleeping child you’re
Holding is the great, I Am”

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, friends. See you on the other side of 2020.

It was actually morning. When I got out of the shower, there she was in the kitchen staring up at me with those big puppy eyes looking up from a hole in the wall she’d just chewed through. I’ve seen that look before. Like when two year old Natalie spilled an entire In-N-Out strawberry shake on Dave’s office conference table. Or when four year old Meagan opened a shaken can of soda in Dave’s car.

My third child is now a toddler. Today she’s seven months old so about three in dog years. What would even possess a dog to think a wall would be tasty? It’s paint and sheet rock. Then again, I caught Natalie gnawing on our window sill when she was three. I do feed my children, really I do. In my defense, I thought Miles was done with teething since she’d lost all her baby teeth. All I can say is good thing I caught her when I did or she might’ve chewed all the way down to the stud. Pretty sure our home warranty won’t cover that.

So off we went to fetch spackle at Lowe’s but first some extra strong drive-thru coffee for moi. Miles enjoys Lowe’s and Home Depot. Probably since she’s actually allowed in those stores and employees love to say hi. Our last trip was a few months ago to buy plants. She rode proudly on the flatbed cart as I loaded up on shrubs and soil.

The last time I bought major home improvement supplies was over a decade ago when I thought I’d fill in two holes – 5′ x 4′ specifically. Yes, feet, not inches. Okay, they were actually decorative openings in a two-story wall meant to provide an open concept feel between the formal living room and family room. A very nice aesthetic feature especially since you could see directly through to the backyard when you entered the house. However, two giant holes in a massive wall are not great for sound insulation or maximum surround sound effect which is kind of a big deal to husbands who like to blast the sound for football games and spy movies. Guess what I endeavored to do as Dave would be away on a three day business trip? Fill in those two holes! I mean, how hard can it be? Home Depot will even custom cut wood and sheet rock for you! So while the kids were at school and Dave was away, I set out on a DIY project that would be the best coming home surprise ever!

Without YouTube videos or googling, I measured precisely and managed to install two very sturdy mini-walls. In fact, if there was ever a major earthquake (being in California and all), the safest place to shelter would be next to these two walls I’d built. It wasn’t that hard and only took an afternoon. Next day I headed back to Home Depot for wall texturing supplies. Hmm, lots of very different options. I decided I should consult with an expert in that department. In retrospect, I should’ve clued in when the employee they sent me said it was his first week on the job as we both took turns reading the directions on the buckets of wall texture. Still oozing pride from the stellar job I had done the previous day, I went with the spray on cans of wall texture completely expecting to knock this one out in an afternoon then finish up with paint the following day in time for Dave’s arrival. PSA: don’t buy spray on wall texture.

I’ll spare you the gruesome details, but basically five more trips to Home Depot, countless buckets of wall texture, and loss of all patience and sanity later, the two 5′ x 4′ openings were filled. That’s about the only way to describe the finished product because it was not pretty by any stretch of the imagination. The look on Dave’s face further confirmed this. To his credit, he was very sympathetic and appreciative of my attempt. Being in the home building biz, the next day he carefully, gently, tactfully asked if he could bring in his guys to “smooth out the rough spots.” Umm, I think you mean “fix it” to which I promptly replied with great relief “YES!”

I can laugh about it now, but when Dave’s texture and paint guy arrived for the initial estimate, he took one look and said “Wow, this is baaaaad!” Dave had not told him I did it all by myself.

Okay, so the hole in the wall from this morning wasn’t as bad as that experience. In fact, it put things in perspective. You could even say it filled in some holes for how I’d been feeling lately.

This morning’s trip to Lowe’s was my first time inside a store in awhile. Been doing mostly online ordering and curbside pick up lately. The minute we stepped inside Lowe’s, we were greeted by some very friendly employees. As I made my way to the spackle aisle, not only was I grateful this visit did not involve gallons of wall texture, but also that I got to briefly talk to other human beings. Live. In person. Masks on, of course.

I’m constantly amazed and amused by the attention Miles attracts. Puppies in general are people magnets as are babies – neither of which I’ve had in a very long time. In many ways, getting Miles this summer filled some holes during this season of my life. We had made the emotionally difficult decision to move to Indiana earlier this year. Sheltering in place and moving away from family and friends in NorCal make for some lonely days. Miles has been an answer to prayer – even ones I didn’t know I was praying. Of course, God knew.

You learn a lot about yourself through a puppy. You also need to establish new personal disciplines. A puppy “forces” new habits like waking up earlier, walks every day, and stopping to chat with strangers who want to pet your doggo. Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t unfriendly or reclusive before we got Miles. But I don’t think I’m the only one these days who can go days and sometimes weeks without seeing another human (other than Dave). And then when you actually run into someone, you realize how nice live interaction is or how you took it for granted before. So it was kinda fun to have a little crowd gather around Miles in between aisles 7 and 8 at Lowe’s this morning. The interior design consultant came over and asked to pet Miles. They hit it off right away. She said she needed this as she was having a rough morning. I didn’t want to put her on the spot and ask why but quietly prayed for her as we left the store.

I realized on the drive home that I really missed this. Running into people. Hearing about their stuff. Listening to the ups and downs. Asking if I could pray for them. You can’t get that from online ordering. I few times I actually tried to start up conversation with the online chat help box folks (Geico, Chewy, Wayfair). FYI, they’re trained to stick to the script.

Ironically, it’s become too easy to sit back and NOT do the very things we were created to do: worship God and fellowship with one another. Honestly, the motivation’s just not there for a lot of things (yes, even running). I wasn’t going to put up our Christmas tree – the giant ten foot tree we’ve had since the girls were toddlers that I hauled out here in my mini Cooper from California. Honestly, I would not have put it up except that Natalie, Meagan, and their fiances were coming out here for Thanksgiving week. You know what? Of the five other houses this tree has been in, it looks the best in this house. This same light up star topper we’ve had for over twenty years has served as my daily reminder to look up in an attitude of worship and praise to Jesus, the light that shines brightest in the darkest of times. I also wasn’t going to do any exterior lights or festive decor but was inspired to do so by my neighbors and one particular Facebook friend’s post as she recently had a difficult post-cancer surgery:

“Update on my surgery: Everything went great on the 16th and I was able to come home the same night. My wonderful friend came and helped me recover as it was a tough one. SO many bandages and drains to care for, Unfortunately, my body developed Pyoderma again and the recovery turned for the worst. We are beyond blessed that we have an amazing Dr. that stayed on top of things,daily, through texts and office visits…no hospital stay….we are so lucky to have an AMAZING Dr. that I consider a friend, an amazing support system, and a husband that has taught me that love is action……not words. He even ordered food from Heavenly Ham and we managed to have Thanksgiving. I’m getting stronger and I am ready for 2021 to be a healthy year for EVERYONE! Love to you all and now TURN on those CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!!”

How easily I forget. How quickly convictions become lukewarm. It was less than a month ago I blogged about GRATITUDE.

Today I am grateful for the hole in my wall gifted by my seven month old puppy who in reality is the sweetest, funniest, cuddliest, fluffiest, and up until this morning, most obedient and non-destructive. Now about that hole, don’t tell Dave. Maybe he won’t notice.

BTW, “O Holy Night” is one of my favorite Christmas songs. I almost forgot that three years ago, I wrote a blogpost titled: “A Thrill of Hope” based on one line of the song that captivated me. Wow, that was Chapter 44, thirty-three chapters ago. Life is so vastly different now. Today, I looked up the original lyrics. Wow, never heard the second and third choruses before. And those verses seem to have been written for such a time as now. This year, I think I’ll make this song my prayer… my Christmas wish list, if you will.

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour’s birth;
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
‘Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn;

Chorus
Fall on your knees, Oh hear the angel voices!
O night divine! O night when Christ was born.
O night, O holy night, O night divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming;
With glowing hearts by his cradle we stand:
So, led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from Orient land,
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our friend;

Chorus
He knows our need, To our weakness no stranger!
Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King! your King! before him bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is Love and His gospel is Peace;
Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother,
And in his name all oppression shall cease,
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful Chorus raise we;
Let all within us praise his Holy name!

Chorus
Christ is the Lord, then ever! ever praise we!
His pow’r and glory, evermore proclaim!
His pow’r and glory, evermore proclaim!