Many Bible verses and devotional themes focus on strength, courage, and fear. Strength and its derivatives appear in God’s Word over 360 times, courage over 30 times, and fear 365 times.

Last week I read from a daily devotional titled “Reckless Abandon.” The author (my friend Pastor Ray Noah) quoted the famous World War I pilot, Captain Eddie Rickenbacker: “Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.” As I read on I developed a sinking feeling like that of eating a heavy meal too fast and too close to a run. This can’t be good. If I kept reading, it could lead to something heavy and dig deep into my soul when all I really wanted was a little dose of spiritual wisdom with my customary morning cup of coffee and toast. But part of me was curious.

After I finished reading, I realized that I frequently offer several of those “be strong and courageous” verses to friends going through challenging circumstances or seasons. I’ve even made it my starting line verse at a couple of marathons like the monsoon of CIM (California International Marathon) 2012. But during those times, was I actually fearing something? In the example of CIM 2012, did I fear for my safety, potential injury, or not meeting my goal time? In retrospect, the answers were no, no, and yes.

I suppose any challenging endeavor undertaken in less than ideal conditions requires strength and courage; however, when I look back now, I wasn’t being completely honest with myself. When I say “Lord, help me to be strong and courageous,” what am I actually asking Him to do? Or reveal?

Honesty takes courage. More than just looking in the mirror or an unfiltered photo of myself. It goes way beyond wrinkles, sunspots, gray hair, or muffin top (if you don’t know what that is, you don’t have one). I think I have to come to grips with the fact that I judge myself far deeper and harsher than anyone else could. Outward honesty doesn’t come easy. And sometimes it comes with a price. It may cost you your reputation, relationships, trust, and pride. The flip side is that those could also be the reward in the long run.

Much research has been done and articles written on the topic of fear. I’m not referring to the top ten lists of phobias including fear of spiders, flying, and public speaking. I’m talking about the stuff that might keep you from reaching goals, promotions, successful relationships, or some days just getting out of bed. I googled “most common fears” and results were mostly about phobias except for this one titled “12 Most Common Fears Holding You Back From Success” from workitdaily.com:

1. Fear Of Failure
This type of fear has its roots in the misconception that everything you do has to be 100% successful.
2. Fear Of Success
This type of fear is based on the idea that success is likely to mean more responsibility and attention, coupled with pressure to continue to perform at a high level.
3. Fear Of Being Judged
This type of fear comes from the need for approval that most people develop in childhood.
4. Fear Of Emotional Pain
This type of fear is rooted in wanting to avoid potential negative consequences of your actions.
5. Fear Of Embarrassment
This type of fear is a result of empowering others to judge you when you demonstrate that you’re only human by making mistakes and having lapses of judgment.
6. Fear Of Being Abandoned Or Being Alone
This type of fear is related to rejection and low self-esteem.
7. Fear Of Rejection
This type of fear comes from personalizing what others do and say.
8. Fear Of Expressing Your True Feelings
This type of fear holds you back from engaging in open, honest dialogue with the people in your life.
9. Fear Of Intimacy
This type of fear manifests itself by an unwillingness to let others get too close, less they discover the “real you.”
10. Fear Of The Unknown
This type of fear manifests itself as needless worry about all of the bad things that could happen if you decide to make a change in your life.
11. Fear Of Loss
This type of fear is related to the potential pain associated with no longer having something or someone of emotional significance to you.
12. Fear Of Death
The ultimate fear of the unknown. What will happen once our spirits leave our bodies?

Perhaps a runner’s top 12 list might look slightly different. I know at least one runner friend who would list fear of porta-potties as her #1 (and #2). See what I did there?

I would probably add fear of physical pain to this list. Not the kind in which you’re running with an injury or running causes an injury. I mean pain from going all out, lungs bursting type of physical pain.

For years I’ve kept a very simple running log through an app on my phone which now seems archaic compared to what’s currently available. But it’s all I need, so why switch? One thing I like about this app is that at the end of each recorded activity, it asks “Effort Level: 0 to 10.” I recently read an article in a running magazine that totally changed my perspective on how to assess effort. It had everything to do with pain and discomfort tolerance. How much discomfort did you allow yourself to experience during that run? How long can you keep up that level of discomfort?

Since reading that article, I now ask myself that last question whenever I get to a point in my runs where I think about slowing down or stopping. Can I go even faster until that tree up ahead? Can I keep a solid pace up the next big hill? How badly do I want to crush this run? What will it take for me to say “I left it all out there today?”

Over the years, God has been coaching me on closing the gap between training mentality versus race mentality. It doesn’t take a running expert to know that you need to practice what you want to actually happen on race day. But of course, that’s easier said than run.

This summer I went into a particular trail race not expecting to place top three for an age group medal. A friend of mine had fallen in this same race – which she placed 2nd in her age group – a couple of years ago sustaining an injury that sidelined her for many months. My goal was simply to not injure myself. I ended up running a solid race almost matching a previous best time from six years ago. Later when I looked at official results, I saw that I was only 0.10 behind the gal who placed second in my age group. This really bothered me and took some of the joy I had just moments earlier. Why? Because I know without a doubt that I could have given more. It wasn’t about beating out another runner; it was about knowing I left it all out there on the course with nothing I’d do differently and no regrets.

Which brings me back to my original question “What am I afraid of?”

Regrets.

Fear of becoming a “would-have-could-have-should-have” hoarder. Missing out on reaching goals or opportunities because I held back.

And if I am being completely honest here, gulp, I have been holding back with becoming more immersed in the next chapter of my career. I’ve been afraid to give 100% to new opportunities because doing so felt like I was closing the doors to an old, familiar comfy chapter – much like running the same route and drill every day. Embracing the new has been uncomfortable. However, going day to day trying to fill my schedule with activities that don’t contribute to where God’s leading is like running junk miles just so I can enter more miles in my running log. It’s like training on a completely different course than the one on which you’re about to race. And then when race day comes, expecting to magically P.R.

It has now taken me 1,362 words to say what God said in three:

“RUN TO WIN.” 1 Corinthians 9:24 MSG

Yes, that sounds scary. Almost all of those top 12 listed fears come to mind. But God also said very succinctly:

“Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV

With these two verses in my arsenal, God is equipping me to tackle my biggest fear every morning when my feet hit the floor and every race when I line up at the start. Get out of my comfort zone, trust the new training, give 100% on and off the course, leave the results to God, have no regrets. Good plan.