Category Archives: Chapter 30

“I REALLY NEED TO STOP TALKING”

A homeless man recently asked me if I could spare any change. I almost never carry cash (which annoys my family) and didn’t have even a dollar to give. But I did happen to have a container of granola with me and offered it to him figuring he was hungry. He graciously accepted while commenting, “Granola. That’s that healthy stuff, right?” I replied with an inordinate amount of excitement, “Yes! And it’s packed with protein, full of fiber, and rich in Omega-3 and 6…”

As I heard myself, I simultaneously thought “Stop talking, Irene. The poor man is cold and hungry. He doesn’t wanna hear your nutrition spiel.” Yet I continued. It’s as if I was a train without brakes. Just stop already. And puhleeeease, don’t ask him if he has gluten or nut allergies.

I never know exactly what to say to strangers. Case in point from an encounter two weeks ago. Moments like these I never want to forget, so I took notes when I got back to the car after finishing this last taper run before my Napa race:

Another picture perfect day at my happy place. Hip felt better so I ran an easy 3 around the reservoir then down to the docks for some stretching. There was already a man sitting with his two fishing poles. As he stood up to re-cast his line, I could see he was quite large and a little intimidating dressed in all black covered in tattoos. I said a quick hello as I walked past him to get to a quiet spot near the end of the 20 foot dock. I settled in and closed my eyes as I started my stretches. Ah, a peaceful warm day. Birds chirping, ducks quacking. And then the rap music. Before I go on, I have to acknowledge that my own kids have labeled me THE most basic mom they know. Basic? I didn’t even know that was a term until it was applied to me. Apparently the term encompasses everything from my high-maintenance espresso orders, to my wearing matchy-matchy Lululemon all over town especially at Costco , and to my (ahem) taste in music. So, as all basic moms these days do, I immediately assumed this stranger’s music was just noise. BUT my whole week’s lesson was on listening for more of God…and now THIS. Ughhh. I hate rap music. Almost as much as country music. I can’t tell him to turn if off. He was there first. Plus he’s really big. But I could probably outrun him if he gets mad at me. Wait, it’s taper week, so I’m not supposed to over exert myself. Okay, I’ll just keep quiet. Next thing I know, his music is blasting the word “Jesus.” Oh great. It’s not only rap music, but it’s the swearing kind. I couldn’t tune it out. Then I heard the words “Holy Spirit,” “His Kingdom,” and “Heavenly Father.” And I listened more intently. This probably went on for over 30 minutes since I ended up listening to this stranger’s entire playlist. Funny thing, I actually enjoyed his music. Some really deep, moving lyrics not meant for the typical Sunday-only-worshipper. I would’ve stayed longer, but the wind picked up. As I got up to leave, I said to the stranger “That’s good music, bro!” He looked surprised (I can’t imagine why…ha, ha) and said “Thanks!” Then he told me the artist was a Christian rapper named Bryann Trejo. He also showed me the fish he had just caught. And in that moment, perhaps still caught off guard by God’s sense of humor or just my lacking anything creative to say, I said to the stranger “You know, you’re also a fisher of men.” He smiled and said “God’s blessing be with you.”

I went into the Napa Valley Marathon two weeks ago without my iPod (prohibited on this course) but with a new determination to just listen to the sounds along the entire vineyard-lined 26.2 miles. When I think about the almost 200 races I’ve run since I started this crazy running journey in 2009, very few were run with my iPod. Perhaps I was under the impression that “serious runners” didn’t need music. After all, electronic devices are banned in races with awards and prize money involved. And certainly “no headphones” since you could be communicating with a coach or pacer. In previous Napa marathons, I’ve actually seen course officials “pull runners over” and DQ them for wearing headphones.

Typically I train with an iPod loaded with about 4 1/2  hours worth of music. My anticipated finish time or goal. As I hit the road two weeks before Napa for that last long training run of 20 miles, I realized that I forgot to charge my iPod. And then right before my half marathon the following week, the battery died at mile two since I hadn’t completely charged it the week before. Strange since I’m normally so OCD about race prep.

All this to say, I think God wanted me to unplug for awhile. And just listen.

And so I did.

Turns out God had a lot to say to me that morning. In between the sound of rain pelting the race shuttle bus to the start line, to the chirping of birds during the occasional periods of sunshine, to the unexpected hail hitting the asphalt at mile 16, to the strong headwinds blowing the wrong direction at mile 24…

In between all this fantastic smorgasbord of weather, God’s voice was loud and clear. I didn’t have headphones on, but I did hear my Coach telling me at one point to not fight an uncomfortable pace. This was early on in the race, and the goal was to possibly negative split which would not happen if I forced my pace too early on. I’d never read this particular version of the famous “Be still” verse until now:

‘God says, “Stop fighting and know that I am God!”‘              Psalm 46:10 ERV

“Be still, and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46:10 ESV

And so it went with my Coach and I for 26.2 miles. He had to constantly remind me to breathe properly. I’ve noticed recently that I’m almost holding my breath when I run. And definitely not exhaling completely. He kept repeating over and over again to take in more oxygen and release more carbon dioxide. Good air in, bad air out. Inhale Him, exhale me.

“He must increase, but I must decrease.”  John 3:30 ESV

If you’ve ever run with me, you know that I’m not a great conversationalist. Don’t get me wrong; I love running with friends. I just can’t seem to sustain a meaningful conversation while holding a reasonable run pace. Sometimes it feels like friends purposely ask me deep life questions while we’re running UP hill. Oh sure. Then they get to catch their breaths while I explain the meaning of life as I’m turning blue. It’s okay. Unlike me, they bring cell phones and can call 911 when I pass out.

Napa was my 39th marathon. And the marathon where I did the least amount of talking.

Every time I started to revert back to my usual negative thoughts like “why did I think I could PR today,” or “if only the camber of the road didn’t keep changing,” or “that next water station better be coming up soon,” or “my calves and quads hate me,” God literally reminded me to:

“…take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”       2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV

And to not only submit every thought to Him, but also every step, every mile, every breath, every emotion.

So it was that I ran this race not telling God what to do, what I needed, and how I was feeling. Instead, I just listened.

*Photo credit: NVM (start line and vineyard pics)