I just ran my 33rd marathon last weekend. The first thing I said to my daughter when she met me at the finish was “That was rough!” She had been waiting for me almost a half hour. At least it had stopped raining.

But despite finishing almost thirty minutes slower than my PR two years ago, I was still content with my finish time.

It was a hard fought race from about mile 16. I told my husband later that it’s totally acceptable to be in agony at mile 24; but at mile 16, when you still have ten more miles…not so much.

A few days ago a running friend asked me how I did at CIM (California International Marathon). I told her it kind of fell apart at the usual places. She gave me that knowing look and said “Doesn’t it always?!” We both know the agony of defeat as your goal pacer passes you after you’ve managed to stay ahead for so much of the race.  She knows my agony from Mountains2Beach 2014 when I missed my goal by three minutes as I let the 4:10 pacer pass me at Mile 24.

Another friend simply stated “But YOU don’t love to go fast; YOU love distance.”

Yes, it’s true that after running over a hundred races of various distances, the marathon is my favorite distance. I now have a special place in my heart – like a library – with chapters written about these 26.2 mile journeys. Each of these chapters have a common theme.

You see, I have never run a marathon in which it didn’t cross my mind to quit at some point.

And if I’m being really honest here, occasionally I’ve also contemplated short cuts. After all, those parts of the course with out-and-backs and no timing mats make it very tempting to hop across and shave possibly miles off of an abysmally long way to go. It’s not even about logging a faster finish time; it’s just about ending prolonged agony.

But no one at the starting line has the mindset of giving up or the intention to cheat. It is when you are at your weakest and most desperate times – mentally and physically – that these two monsters rear their ugly heads.

For years I loved teaching the story of Jacob and Esau to my third grade classes. We had great discussions about parental favoritism, hobbies they share with mom or dad, sibling trickery, and causes of temptation.

“Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. He said to Jacob, ‘Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!’ Jacob replied, ‘First sell me your birthright.’  ‘Look, I am about to die,’ Esau said. ‘What good is the birthright to me?’ But Jacob said, ‘Swear to me first.’ So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left. So Esau despised his birthright.” Genesis 25:29-34

*FYI, the birthright was far more than just being the cool oldest son. It was more than just the double inheritance. It was about honor, respect, recognition, privilege, leadership, and authority.

It’s easy to read Biblical stories like Jacob and Esau’s and think “I would never do that!”  WHY would he trade something as precious, significant, life-changing, and eternal as his birthright for a measly bowl of stew?  Third graders saw this issue very matter-of-factly:  “Well, he probably thought he was gonna starve to death, so what good would his birthright be at that point?”

True.

Race spectators, mostly friends and family members, often hold up motivational posters along the course. They range from funny to crass to philosophical. One of my favorites says “Pain is temporary, quitting is forever” along with various versions of it.

During my weakest moments in marathons, I often think about Esau’s desperation decision which cost him literally everything. Those weak moments are when I’m convinced I can’t go another step let alone another mile. Or when I’ve dropped so far back from my goal pace that I rationalize away the whole point of running this race. Or when the finish line just seems like a distant dream.

It is in those moments, God reminds me that giving up that next step, that goal pace, or dream finish is like Esau trading his birthright for a bowl of stew.

It’s being so focused on the current problem, pain, need, emotion, or pressure that the only course of action is to alleviate that discomfort. You can call it compromise or settling for less than best.

It’s trading the temporary for what is lasting.  And what is rightfully mine as God’s precious child. Rightfully mine. What does that look like?  Is that a possession or status or bragging rights? Pure and simple, it’s God’s best for your life when you trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior which cannot be lost or traded away like a birthright.

But in our daily lives, we can compromise what’s best for us with what we think we need more at the moment.

It’s trading God’s best planning, coaching, training, wisdom, discipline, and cheerleading for a result that will leave me wondering, doubting, and filled with regret.

And I’m not just talking about marathons.

Have I ever made Esau decisions outside of marathons? More than I care to admit. Ohhh, that I could have a re-do on SO many financial decisions, parenting fails, ministry opportunities, relationships etc. that were short-changed or short-circuited because I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) see past the temporary circumstances.

Over 20 years ago when I was a weight-loss counselor (strangest job I ever had), the daily mantra was “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips!” Funny how that applies to more than just dieting.

And how many times has God inspired and even convicted me of certain things that I need to implement or change, but somehow that passion fizzles as I begin to feel the pain of the commitment.

The good news is that God’s got a whole calendar filled with more races for me to run. He saw me during all those weak moments, and I can just imagine what He was thinking. “C’mon, Irene, we got this!” “Just keep your eyes fixed on Me!” “Shut out those other voices; listen for My voice!”

Because the battle starts in the mind, during races I often say this verse over and over:

“…take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ Jesus.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

Except I also add “take captive every step, every mile, every doubt, every excuse, every ounce of pride.” And believe it or not, THAT gets me to the next mile. And to the next circumstance. And to the next decision. And to the next day. And to the next race.